A personal reflection by local resident Dan Edwards on integrity, broken promises, and the leadership qualities needed to honour commitments and advance reconciliation in Canada.
If you have a minute, I would like to share a story with you.
When I was 17 years old, I wrote my father a letter saying that I no longer needed him.
Growing up, I often thought of my father as a terrible person. Without getting into too many unnecessary details, there was a lot of abuse in our household. At that stage of my life, the type of abuse that weighed most heavily on my heart was neglect, much of which came in the form of empty promises.
He would say things like, “Yes, I’ll pay for your schooling,” or “Yes, I promise I’ll pay for your baseball equipment,” and the list goes on. One promise after another. I watched how these unkept promises destroyed me and ripped my family apart. I became more and more aware that people say things without regard for who they hurt. I saw what these broken promises did to my mother, and if you know me, I would sooner die than dishonour the woman who has given me everything.
Routinely, I was rejected and defeated by the idea that someone who claimed to love me wouldn’t show up for me. But now, I don’t think they knew how to love me. Instead, they made promises they couldn’t keep, and I think by that point, my heart had had enough.
I remember asking God to help me with this relationship and to guide me in what I should do. My favourite quote when I was a teenager was “to give up resentment.” It wasn’t so much a quote as it was the definition of forgiveness. I even had it displayed in my MSN username (the good old days). So, I ended up writing a letter. A letter that said, “Dad, I forgive you. Thank you for doing the best that you could. And, from here on out, I don’t need you anymore, and I wish you well.”
I needed peace, and I knew hatred couldn’t get me there. At that point in time, these were the most significant steps I had ever taken toward healing a hole that had been created in me. At the end of that letter, I made myself a vow: I would make no more promises that I couldn’t keep.
Now, this next part may be hard to believe, but since that day I have made 17 promises – and I remember each one. This was more than 20 years ago, and some of those promises were made to people who are no longer in my life today. But that changes nothing. Because of the pain of being discarded over and over again, if the time came that any of those people showed up again, I would honour those promises simply because I said I would. I see now that this was never just about understanding forgiveness – God was asking me to become a man of integrity.
Fast forward to 2015, when the 94 Calls to Action were established by the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada.
The Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada was formed as part of the Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement to document the experiences of survivors and expose the truth about the residential school system. It exists to prioritize healing for a wound created by those who came before us and to guide reconciliation between Indigenous peoples and the rest of Canadian society.
The residential school system in Canada forcibly removed Indigenous children from their families in an attempt to erase their cultures, their languages, and their identities. These children experienced abuse of every kind, neglect, and starvation, and thousands died while in “care.” The system caused deep, lasting trauma that continues to affect our Indigenous brothers and sisters today.
The TRC’s six-volume final report detailed the systemic cultural genocide inflicted through residential schools and its lasting effects on First Nations, Inuit, and Métis communities. Its 94 Calls to Action urge governments, institutions, and Canadians to advance reconciliation in areas such as child welfare, education, health, justice, and public commemoration. The report re-framed national understanding of Indigenous-Crown relations and continues to inform policies today.
These 94 Calls to Action are promises that have been acknowledged by the same flag we fly every single day in this country. Make no mistake folks – I love this country, and even more so, I love my city. This city did something for me that I can never repay, although I continue to try. This city believed in me during the darkest times of my life, and I am a better man for it.
One of the ways I know I can begin to repay that debt is to stand in defence of the promises we have made to our Indigenous brothers and sisters. It is important that we remind our leaders that integrity is not something you can cast aside or disregard carelessly.
Integrity is vital to leadership. Promises are meant to be kept – even the ones we inherit.
And before any of you ask, no, I’m not running for council or mayor. I just understand leadership qualities when I see them.
About the author: Dan Edwards is a Sarnia-based Registered Social Worker (BSW, RSW), motivational speaker, and advocate who works with children and youth. Known for his honest and engaging approach, he supports young people in building confidence, resilience, and a sense of self. Outside of his professional work, Edwards is also a local comedian with a passion for connecting with the community through storytelling and lived experience.
